Monday, October 29, 2007

Under Development

So I went to some professional development over the weekend. If I haven’t made it clear before, I hate it. I don’t find the information they provide all that practical. You know what I mean. It’s always based on something to do with some study conducted by some Ph.D. student like, “I asked a measly five students to draw the ideal teaching environment—now read my 200 page analysis.”

Sure, a better attitude on my part may improve the experience, but they better bring something to the table. I mean I have to be there. They don’t. Anyway, Saturday...

It’s some class on encouraging reading or something. I don’t know. I just picked it because it had “Read” in the title.

“Ready, Set, Read!!”


“I’d Rather Read the Poetry Tattooed on the Back of a Sweaty Man Than Attend Professional Development.”

Anyway, the expert provided a handout entitled “Twenty-One Lessons Teachers Demonstrate About Reading.” Would you like to hear some?

“Reading involves drawing lines, filling in blanks and circling.”

“It’s wrong to become so interested in a text that you read more than the fragment the teacher assigned.”

“Readers in a group may not collaborate; this is cheating.”

“Errors in comprehension or interpretation will not be tolerated.”

“Teachers talk a lot about literature, but teachers don’t read.”

I’d give you more, but I’m too busy compiling “Twenty-One Reasons That The Creator of This List Should Have It Shoved Up His Arse.”

Oh yes, because drawing circles is what it’s all about! Sure it’s impossible to make deep thought provoking assignments with limited time, classroom over crowding, and soulless district requirements. Thankfully, I don’t give a crap.

No, a kid in second period texting test questions to a kid in fifth period is cheating.

Reading is for suckers. Talking about books from a set curriculum to a bunch of blank faces, who didn’t read what you had to teach is where it’s at! Down with reading for pleasure! Up with reading for pressure!

Teachers resort to sarcasm in order to suppress the urge to strangle people who write dumbass lists.

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