Getting the Business

In the past I’ve gone off on being harassed by students with their fundraisers. Now I feel like I’m getting the same from my fellow teachers. Unfortunately, they have to make ends meet, and they do so by having jobs on the side. It’s not tutoring or waiting tables kind of stuff either. It’s usually something that involves a flyer that can be stuck in your box at school.

Like this morning, I got one from a teacher selling five pounds of shrimp for ten dollars. At the bottom of the flyer it said, “I’ll even de-vein them for you!!!!” Four exclamation marks? That’s a ton of enthusiasm for handling alarmingly cheap, raw shellfish.

Anyway, she’s not the only one who has created unappealing advertisements. Let’s see, there’s the theatre teacher offering Friendly Fingers Massages. How appetizing…

Or, you have the Feng Shui specialist/business computer teacher/lacrosse coach. Uh, no thanks. How about I tell you where you can put your couch. I’ve got some ideas.

My favorite is the woman who does glamour shots for pets. Because just the other day I was saying, “You know what I need? A hazy picture of my Shih Tzu tugging on the lapels of a tiny leather coat I put on it.” Great business plan, Lee Iococa.

Then there’s the obligatory jewelry lady. Here’s a hint; you may not want to feature paper clip bangles. Administration may inquire about your office supply use.

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