Good Fences Make Good Idiots

Do you remember when I was teaching some Ben Franklin? ‘Member? Well, for bonus points every year I have the kiddos do their own aphorisms, plus they must translate the meaning. Unfortunately, their grasp of what’s involved with an aphorism is paralleled by their inability to understand what it means to translate.

So without further ado I present Ass-o-risms ’07:

We’re all going to die, eventually. / Eventually, we’re all going to die.

When?

Watch your back! / Because I don’t have eyes in the back of my head!

Good, then you didn’t see me mouth, “what the hell,” when I read this.

If your nose runs and your feet smell, then you’re built upside down. / My grandfather use to say that all the time.

Ah senility…

You’re mom. / Your mom is ugly.

Don’t you mean you are mom is ugly?

Happy times for many / Life is fun!

Happy times for many? What is this? A fortune cookie? I flipped the thing over looking for lotto numbers.

So why do this every year? Because they’re freakin’ hilarious! Trust me—it’s perfect for calming your nerves at this time of year, and, well, booze is expensive.

*Today's the last day to vote. Here's to a strong finish.