Don’t blame me. It’s not my vault.

Good Lord. No wonder the counseling office was having a fundraiser. It sounds like they live way above their means. Today we got an e-mail from them asking if anyone had seen the key to their Coke vault because they were unable to get into it.

A Coke vault? A security device for an item that is readily available at any dollar store? Talk about your extravagances. What am I going to be hearing about next? A ruby Lazy Susan? That’s a Lazy Susan only used to rotate the counselors' ruby collection around their meeting table, if you were wondering—a table made of exquisite mahogany, most likely.

Maybe the vault is the first sign of the counselors turning into eccentrics like some billionaires can do. If so, then I can’t wait to hear the details of College Night. They'll probably hold it at the North Pole and the only way you can get there is by ballooning.