Oldie Goldies

Well, we have made it through Thanksgiving. If you think about it, the holiday is the most ideal for a hobo teacher. Potatoes, green beans, cranberry sauce, pumpkin pie filling—all can come from a can. The only thing we’re missing is the turkey. The canned ham comes close, though. We have the technology.

That leaves me with only one more holiday to go. Unfortunately, Christmas is not as hobo teacher friendly. Those gifts add up. There are already clear signs that teachers are scrambling for extra cash. This morning I found a flyer in my mailbox from a fellow teacher who was hosting a gold party. A gold party involves the host bringing your no longer desired precious metal items (jewelry and coins) together with a buyer, who will weigh your loot and then offer you the “appropriate” amount to by your wares.

Look, I’m all for unloading the junk in one’s life. I, myself, run things pretty light. For some reason, though, it seems like a gateway activity. First, you’re melting down gold and then what? What are you then willing to do? I’m just saying that bootlegging doesn’t seem like too much of a hop, skip, and a jump. And where you go from there, there’s no telling. Do you start stripping your classroom down? Do the DVD player and overhead find their ways to the pawnshop? Is the furniture smashed for firewood?

If we do end up going to such extremes, then I would like to make a suggestion. To make money we could try to sell our students like the parents of that Slumdog Millionaire kid tried to do. Money and less students, talk about profiting!

I don’t know if I could sell these students now that I think about it. I’d feel too much like a sleazy used car salesman—selling lemons to suckers.