Grandchildren of the Resolutions

We're into the school year 12 weeks now and let me tell you, the resolutions that I made for myself back in August are dead and gone. Looking back on them, I can see why. If I didn't know any better, then I would think that they were written by a doe-eyed first year teacher and not the leathered, battle tested, education warrior that you see before you. I guess the summer had some sort of regressive effect on me. Check out what I had come up with this year. You'll get a kick out of these:

Volunteer for more committees.

Hello? Sure it feels great to sign your name at first, but you have to do much more after that. It's a committee, not a petition.

Run each morning.

If you mean, "from my room, screaming," then no problem.

Spend an hour a day dedicated to 'me time.'

Who?

Avoid negative terms like 'don't' or 'can't'.

Let me get this straight--I can write, "you can do no worse," right?

Write as many nice comments on a paper as I do criticisms.

Ha! I just won't write anything. The jokes on you.

Clean up desk before leaving each evening.

The jokes on you, again. I never leave. Ha!

Obviously, there is a need to revamp, if I'm going to make it through the year.

Have a good cry before "things get out of hand," say with a student--and a--chair.

Talk to the administrators about their alma mater's football season to get them off my ass.

When a student asks, "Why do we have to do this?" I respond, "Your mom."

If a kid gets on my nerves then, tell the school nurse that you're suspicious of drug use.

Ironically, I need to make a resolution to make resolutions when I'm not angry.