Run Away From Homecoming
It's here. The worst week ever. No it's not finals week; nor is it state test time either. It's Homecoming week--just another archaic tradition that's now counter-productive to learning. Let's face it; we no longer need summers off to work the farms, and no alumni are coming in this weekend.
Back in the day this week meant something, but now it's just an endless string of distractions. The float building, the nominations--the theme days...
Those are the worst. For the uninitiated, I'll explain. The school is scheduled to play the most horrendous football team in the area for the homecoming game (probably the performing arts magnet school), so that victory is almost certainly guaranteed. It's like some move out of a fascist propagandistic playbook. The school wants everyone to see how strong and mighty Springwood Lakes is and all should fear the wrath.
Heads up, Poland.
To support the ploy the days will be dedicated to themes that concern the obliteration of the doomed opponent. For example, we're playing the Wildcats. So after months of preparation the student council came up with the following administration approved themes:
Monday: "Wash out the Wildcats--All Students in Support Should Wear Their Favorite Flood Gear."
Does anyone have a favorite anything when it comes to flooding? Favorite tree to be stuck in? Favorite store to loot?
Tuesday: "Wet down the Wildcats--Wear Shower Caps."
Water, water, everywhere... what's this fascination with H2O?
Wednesday: "Crush the Cats--Wear camouflage."
What does camo have to do with crushing? I don't know, but I can assure you that I'll have to send at least three jack-a-ninnies go to the nurse's office to wash the paint off their faces.
Thursday: "Waterlog the Wildcats: Wear your Water Wings."
Oh, come on now. This is just getting ridiculous.
Friday: "Klobber the Kats--Homecoming!"
Do we really need to promote poor spelling for the sake of letter similarity?
Anyway, I'll be giving daily updates to the week, so check in to laugh at my misery.
Back in the day this week meant something, but now it's just an endless string of distractions. The float building, the nominations--the theme days...
Those are the worst. For the uninitiated, I'll explain. The school is scheduled to play the most horrendous football team in the area for the homecoming game (probably the performing arts magnet school), so that victory is almost certainly guaranteed. It's like some move out of a fascist propagandistic playbook. The school wants everyone to see how strong and mighty Springwood Lakes is and all should fear the wrath.
Heads up, Poland.
To support the ploy the days will be dedicated to themes that concern the obliteration of the doomed opponent. For example, we're playing the Wildcats. So after months of preparation the student council came up with the following administration approved themes:
Monday: "Wash out the Wildcats--All Students in Support Should Wear Their Favorite Flood Gear."
Does anyone have a favorite anything when it comes to flooding? Favorite tree to be stuck in? Favorite store to loot?
Tuesday: "Wet down the Wildcats--Wear Shower Caps."
Water, water, everywhere... what's this fascination with H2O?
Wednesday: "Crush the Cats--Wear camouflage."
What does camo have to do with crushing? I don't know, but I can assure you that I'll have to send at least three jack-a-ninnies go to the nurse's office to wash the paint off their faces.
Thursday: "Waterlog the Wildcats: Wear your Water Wings."
Oh, come on now. This is just getting ridiculous.
Friday: "Klobber the Kats--Homecoming!"
Do we really need to promote poor spelling for the sake of letter similarity?
Anyway, I'll be giving daily updates to the week, so check in to laugh at my misery.
- H.T. at 10:35 AM
