Band of Mothers

I hate, I mean hate, going to the copy room. You would think it's because of our copy limit. You see, we're only allowed X number of copies per six weeks and the copiers with these computers inside of them keep track. Every time our copies are made, then our assigned number must be punched in for record keeping. It's like the Nazis got together with IBM and formulated a way to make the agony more efficient. Well, I only wish that was the reason for my aversion to the copy room.

What I dread is having to deal with the volunteer moms each time I'm in there. No one get the vapors, now. I'm not casting a curse on volunteer moms. They can be tremendous assets to school life. It's just that even noble intentions don't guarantee noble results. Remember, though many buy guns for protection, most gun shot victims have become so by the very gun they bought.

For example, most of the times I go down there to pick up my copies I usually get them with a side of volunteer mom suggestion like, "Why don't you read Where the Red Fern Grows?" or, "You shouldn't be teaching that kind of trash" with a nod towards the copies I just picked up.

That's when I have to reply with, "Because that's a 6th grade reading assignment," and "It's a spelling test--and 'bombastic' doesn't mean what you think it does."

Sometimes I get a false start on a parent/teacher conference.

"My Gilda is in your 5th period. How is she doing?"

"Look lady, you're either a complete idiot to think that I'm going to inform you that she's a complete idiot in front of all these other volunteer moms; or you're the ballsiest woman there ever was, thinking that I would wilt rather than embarrass you by informing you that she's a complete idiot in front of all of the other volunteer moms."

But I always screw that up and it comes out as, "Well, I don't have my gradebook in front of me, but you're always welcome to schedule a meeting."

Unfortunately, there is no choice but to leave the copies you need with the volunteer moms because they lock the only two copiers in the building up five minutes after the final bell. Like we teachers don't need to work longer after school. Of course this could just be Pécan's tough love. He shuts everything down because he knows that teachers would work around the clock, if given the chance. This is just his way of making us take a break. But I doubt that he's that clever.