I call next chapter.

A kid was bragging to his peers that he hadn't opened his textbook once this whole year. And believe me, a kid that doesn't open a textbook has plenty of peers.

Good job "Mr. D-!" And of course he only got that because of the stupid 50 rule. 'Member?

Maybe there's a way that I could get today's kids interested in actually interacting with their very expensive, paid for by your taxes, books. What are kids interested in? I know--video games!

I could design some book covers that look like the video game boxes I see in the stores. I can see a whole series of them.

American Literature: Omega Assault

A ripped Hemingway in a futuristic space suit is firing a mega-laser rifle as a spaceship air-strike hovers above.

Literature of the Americas III: The Gates of Doom

A roided, barbaric Whitman is wielding a large battle-ax as he has one foot on top of a slain dragon. Hanging on him is a busty Emily Dickinson wearing sexy armor that doesn't cover anything, let alone protect.

Literary America: Realm Authors

Tennessee Williams is a winged fairy zapping this octopus-like creature with his magical wand in the middle of some ancient forest.

Of course the kids would figure out that they had been duped in two seconds, but at least I wouldn't have to hear the jack-a-ninnies say, "I haven't cracked this book open once all year, dude. Sweet!"