Teaching is for suckers.

I saw an ad for a local university with an education program. The ad was encouraging you to enroll in the program because the state was short by 50,000 teachers. Yikes people. And we're just talking about a single state.

Heck yeah we need to beef up our recruitment. Here, I'll help. Watch me dazzle prospective teachers with these little nuggets:

Think how much your chances of getting melanoma goes down by spending 10 hours a day in a windowless cinderblock room.

Simplify, Simplify--have a bell tell you when it's time to eat.

If there was no school, then kids would be dealing drugs on the street; and we can't have that.

How humiliated do you feel when you get home at the end of the day? Well, that's not enough.

Schools give you summers off so you can find a second job to pay your bills. Can you say that about your job? We didn't think so.

People pity you. Everyone loves attention, right?

I really do think I should be in advertising. Maybe I can do it over the summer.