Maybe we can have a pizza party at the end of the year and pass out trophies.

Have you ever been to a little kid's soccer game? It's craziness. The parents go nuts. You know what I'm talking about, where they yell instructions that are no good because the play is over before the kid can hear and/or process what is being said.

"Run Timmy! Go Timmy! Run! Stop Timmy! Kick Timmy! Head! Head! Turn around Timmy! No hands Timmy! No hands! I'll cut your hands off! Timmy! Stop picking at that Timmy! Pay attention!"

You multiply the bedlam by thirty parents and that's one big headache for the coach. I'm sure it doesn't stop there either. That coach probably gets all kinds of "advice" from the parents too.

"You know, Cindy probably needs more playing time."

"I've drawn up a few plays that you may want to take a look at."

"Don't you think the orange slices could be bigger?"

Hey, I can empathize. There are some e-mails that I get that don't sound much different.

"Maybe you should lecture more."

"I'm concerned that your American literature class is greatly ignoring the works of Homer."

"Students that had science projects due today should have an extra day to study for the quiz."

"According to Google..."

I half expect for the parents to show up at my classes like they do for those soccer games. I can just see them lined up against the walls of the room, shouting.

"Read Timmy! Go! Highlight the metaphor! Highlight! Document Timmy! Cite! Cite! Stop picking that Timmy! Pay attention!"