Studies Have Shown

Great news! The homecoming parade has been cancelled! Sure that last statement reveals a lack of school spirit, but do you realize what is involved? Those floats are mobile displays of potential hazards. As a mater of fact, that’s the very reason why the parade has been cancelled due to the fact that the floats have to be insured.

This leads me to ask the question to why were we allowed to ride on our own personal Titanics all these past years, but now we need insurance? I guess it’s one of those changing of the times kind of things. You know, it’s like wearing helmets with bicycles or everyone gets a trophy for participating because you are all winners. Some call it the wussification of our generation.

Well let me tell you, I’m down with it, especially if it gets me out of that float duty. I’m wondering if there are some other things I can get out of around here due to the powers that be rethinking policies—policy changes that affect activities I don’t particularly care for. I mean, maybe I won’t have to chaperone any more dances because of the fear that the lighting system may induce a dormant seizure in a student. Has a recent study discovered an alarming amount of asbestos in field trips? If so, then I hope Helsinki scientists conducted the study. I don’t know why, but those always seem more creditable.

Even with the most recent windfall, I’m sure this dream of study reinforced policy changes would eventually blow up in my face. Like doctors are going to find out that it is better for students to be spoon-fed their lunches to avoid choking related incidents. Or worse yet, we would have to assist students to the bathroom to avoid any accidental drownings.

Anyway, I'll see you cats on Tuesday. We have professional development this Columbus Day.