Friday, November 17, 2006

Clothing Drive Me Crazy

We had another faculty meeting after school yesterday. There couldn't be a worse time for one of these things. We're already two weeks into a 5 week long 6 week grading period that has a Thanksgiving Break still to come. Yeah. Pull out your scientific calculators on that one. Not only am I trying to squeeze in the mandated 13 minimum grades, but I'm also trying to get a few more in as a last ditch effort to save a semester for my darlings, who teeter on that D/F grade fence.

So, a faculty meeting is the last thing that I need right now, but I go anyway. And like my bags under the eyes, hair disheveled comrades I drag myself, grading pen in hand and an arm-full of papers, down to the auditorium.

To top things off, the topic of the meeting was regulating the dress code. Are you kidding me?! At this point, with me being stretched ever which way possible, the only way that I'd care about what my kids were wearing was if a working scantron machine was hanging around their necks. Still I was entertained for the afternoon.

For example, one teacher shouted out, "The girls are busting out of their shirts!"

Not, "and it's disgusting," or, "and we have to stop it," or anything like that to show disapproval. It was like she was proud of our girls? I mean she didn't high-five anyone after saying it, but she did say it with an excited tone that left things a little ambiguous. The funniest thing was that her outburst prompted an avalanche of similar statements.

"And boys' pants bulge!"

"I can see nipple silhouettes!"

"Butt Cheeks! Butt Cheeeeeks!"

The funniest was Pécan's response. He said, "If they don't look good, send them to us, well evaluate them."

Who am I? Joan Rivers?

"Oh! Oh! What are you wearing?! I haven't looked that bad since my 3rd face-lift!" (You were supposed to read that in a Joan Rivers voice, by the way.)

Or, I could have taken the creepy interpretation of what Pécan said.

"After you're done leering at them, send them to me... so I can leer at them."

Don't go there, Humbert.

Actually, if you read that in a Joan Rivers voice too, it's just as creepy.

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