Rules are made to be posted...again.

Let's see...we're about three weeks into the school year, so that means that your "keep it simple" class rules of "1) Respect one another and 2) Respect the classroom!" are nothing more than a neglected poster with some Panic! at the Disco graffiti on it (Hobo Teacher writes sins... not tragedies).

C'mon, what did you expect? A kid's mantra is "You didn't say I couldn't do that." So with that in mind, I present the following rules based on the last three weeks' events alone:

- This classroom is a "no farting" zone! It smells bad enough with 30 of you in here without you letting slip the dogs of odor.

- Do not lick the electrical outlets. It doesn't taste like beer. Your "friends" are lying to you.

- The Bunsen burners are not for lighting rolls of toilet paper on fire and throwing them across the room.

- If you fall asleep on your desk, please bus your own drool. This way, tipping is not required.

- A crayon is not an acceptable writing utensil--nor is it an acceptable snack.

- No indiscriminate yelling of random catch phrases. This isn't television. This is high school.

- Please do not apply makeup in the classroom. You look enough like a hussy as is.

Sure, these lack a bit in the way of subtlety, but they may buy you a few more weeks before you have to revamp your class rules... again.