I have a bone to pick with Oprah Winfrey.

Let me tell you what bothers me about Oprah. It goes back to that time when she had all those teachers in her audience and gave away all that stuff. Oprah has put hope into teachers that one day they too will find themselves the recipients of such good fortune by the Queen of Daytime. My colleagues are still talking about that episode, and it's been like two years already. They're like drug addicts who are chasing that first high. It's just sad.

Let me go a step further. The gifts--I understand giving the laptops; the washer and dryers are always needed, but what's with the global positioning systems? Teachers don't go anywhere, Oprah! Every time we would push the button, we would be told that we were in one of two places--at school or at home. That's it. There's nowhere else. After awhile the GPS would say, "Look, why don't I say something when you're neither at home nor at school? Wouldn't that just be easier?"

So that's what I think of you, Oprah Winfrey. And there's nothing that you can do to change my mind. That's right, nothing. Sending me tickets to your show couldn't even change my mind--a show where you gave the most that you have ever given to teachers--and you had me stay at the Omni--for free. And if you think I'm bluffing, then I just dare you to try.