Don't call us. We'll call you.

At the beginning of the year I like to make contact with at least one parent/guardian of each of my students. It gives me a chance to let them know that I am ready to partner up with them to ensure that their child does his or her absolute best, so that each child will reach their potential.

That sounds great, right? Well it is--right up until I make the phone call. Plenty of my calls are never returned (regardless of my "three call" procedure). Many are disconnected numbers or wrong numbers. Then there are those that I wish were wrong numbers.

Typically, they go a little something like this:

"What?"

"Hello?"

"Yeah?"

"Is this the Student X residence?"

"We don't want any."

"I think you misunderstand. I'm your son's English teacher and..."

"What did he do now?"

"Again, I think you mis..."

"Well, he didn't do it."

"I'm sorry, do what?"

"Whatever you're calling about."

"Like I said, I'm your son's English teacher, and I just like to make contact with the parents at the beginning of the year."

"Why?"

"I just want to let you know that if there is anything that you need..."

"Do you do this for everybody?"

"Uh, yes I do. I..."

"Why? Don't you have some teaching stuff to do?"

"Well, in some circles calling parents ranks higher than beating erasers."

"Mmmm, hmmm."

"Once again, if there is anything that I can..."

"Right, I got you."

"Okay then, well..."

Click.

[dial tone]

The phone call to the parent is usually my best indicator of what it will be like to have the kid in my class. So if you have a parent say, "Calling home is gay," then look out.