Tuesday, August 15, 2006

Jonestown Punch Anyone?

The only thing that is more inconvenient than the useless faculty meetings leading up to the first day of school is the district-wide-beginning-of-the-year-meeting. If you can't guess, I just came back from one.

It's a real rah-rah affair. Schools are recognized for their efforts (some more than others), individual organizations are singled out and some speeches are given. Of course, it's always easier to do this before going into battle rather than after. For example, we had a motivational speaker (on the district's dime, of course) that used to be a teacher (until he found enough suckers to pay him to speak... of course) and spoke to us about how when he taught he would tell students to "cut the crap" and would tell their parents to "beat their kids" and everyone cheered.


Why were they happy? I'm not talking about the brutality that this guy was preaching. I don't necessarily have an aversion to that. I even know a trick where if you use a bunch of erasers wrapped in a towel then you won't leave any bruises. No, these people should be upset that it's not that easy anymore. Nowadays, an administrator will ask you, "What did you do to prevent the boy spitting in the student's face and shouting, 'ass loving homo'?"

Uh, you mean besides writing him up six days in a row--AND--calling home every single time that I did--AND--never hearing back from you?

I can only guess that my peers were cheering because the summer had obliterated the ugly truth that we're about to endure.

I'd like to see them have one of these gatherings after the first six weeks. I'd imagine that it would have a real prison riot vibe to it. I could just see flaming toilet paper rolls being tossed from the balconies, the jabbing of dry erase marker shivs that have been sharpened on our cinder block walls, and the Assistant Principals donning their riot gear.

But, let me express what else I could have done without at this meeting.

Do I really care that middle school X gathered Y amount of box tops for charity Z? I do not. It may sound shallow, but I'm more interested in teacher ME being effective for class MINE for year THIS! So, can I go polish up my lesson plans now?

Speaking of that. Let me talk about the Teacher of the Year. We have to sit through an introduction of all those that were nominated, before they announced the TOTY, though we already know who it is because they she was announced back in May. Then we get to hear their speech on their tricks of the trade and their token attempts at motivating us for the upcoming year. Hey, I have much love for the teacher of the year, but no speech is going to inspire me to work harder or smarter because we all know that you can't do this job unless you do exactly that. Unless, the speech is entitled "How to Set Up Your Room in Time for School Even Though These Yahoos Have You Going to Jack-Crack Meetings Like This One" or something like that, then I'm not interested. If that was the speech being given, then I would be taking copious notes. We're talking tape recorder, those sketches like they do for courtrooms--the works.

Tell me again, how many hours before first period walks in my room?

Atom XML

My site was nominated for Best Education Blog!
My site was nominated for Best Humor Blog!

[ Recent Posts ]

~The Rating Game

~The first day is always the worst.

~Teachers Without Borders

~This is the end.

~Summer School Fool

~Not quite popcorn reading. More like reading for ...

~Should I stay or should I go?

~Teacher Appreciation--Rainbow Style

~Talk about your backfires...

~Things were better when I only had to deal with th...

All characters appearing in this work are fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental. That's our story and we're sticking to it.