Man About Hound

Today the drug dog came to school and that opened my eyes wide open. I'm starting to see the difference between my freshmen and juniors. Let me explain...

Typically, kids reach terminal indifference by their junior year. A few of them get really quiet when the drug dog comes, but I think that's because they're putting all their efforts into taking a mental inventory of what is in their lockers. No one gets a hall pass from me on drug dog days. I will not be an accessory.

Now your typical freshman has almost the opposite reaction. They go nuts like they're sniffing out the drugs themselves. And when they spaz, nothing gets filtered between their brains to their mouths. They'll shout out anything that crosses their minds.

"I heard that drug dogs are made by getting them addicted. They give crack to a female and then they have crack puppies."

"Last year they shot a kid because a dog smelled drugs on him, and it turns out that he just had dog biscuits in his pocket. The parents sued and got a million dollars and used it to send his body into outer space."

"If that dog goes near my locker, I'll punch him in the nads."

Now that last one I just pulled the kid aside and had a chat with him. It was a slip of the tongue, I'm sure. Besides the most offensive thing about the term "nads" is that it's archaic. Who says that anymore? If you're going to disrupt the class, then at least be relevant. I'm serious, "nads" sounds like something Corey Feldman said in The Goonies or something. Don't go two decades back to get on my nerves. And who punches a dog--anywhere?