How about I sponsor the Leave Me Alone Club?

So a kid came in today, whom I've never seen before, and asked if I wanted to sponsor a club. Now he said, "a club," and left out what kind of club he was wanting to start. That got my immediate, "Big negatory, good buddy."

Hobo Teacher Survival Tip #45634632: Never say, "yes" to a student without full disclosure, especially if you don't know the student. That means that teachers who actually know the student have already said, "No."

"Do you know of any teachers that might want to?" he asked.

"That depends. What's the club that you're looking to start?"

"The TV Club"

"Oh yeah? You guys are going to get together and try to make a TV pilot or something?"

"Well, it's just me and not exactly."

"What, do a sociological analysis on classic and current shows?"

"I just want to watch TV."

"Can't you do that on your own?

"Yeah, but..."

"Look, I hate to disappoint you, but I don't think you're going to find a teacher who will have time to watch TV with you."

After a moment of thought he asked, "What about radio?"

"No."

"DVD?"

"Look, I don't think that the medium of your club is the problem here. What's with this desire to organize something that you do 50 hours a week already?"

Finally, he confessed that he needed to pad his college application, and he thought that if he started a club, then that would help, but he didn't want to do anything too hard.

I couldn't resist, so I asked, "Harvard?"

"No, it's Dennis, Sir--my name is Dennis Sanders," as I watched the joke sail over his head.

"Well, Mr. Sanders, there are no teachers who come to mind who could help you."

"That's okay. I'll just put down that I started the club. They never check that stuff anyway."

"Hey, if you're going to lie, then go big. Tell them that you started the astro-physics club."

When his eyes lit up, I wasn't sure if my sarcasm had just backfired, or he just finally got my Harvard joke.