Monday, January 09, 2006

Blood Spilt Rate = 2[hours on campus X salary]/(number of weapons in your room at any given time)(number of weapons in your room at any given)

I read an article recently. Mind you it wasn't a recent article, but one that I put aside and told myself that I would read when I had time. I think it was written in 1997. Anyway, it was written by a volunteer mom that spent an hour a week in the attendance office of a high school, and concerned her reflections on her experiences there. Before I begin, I just want to say that volunteer moms are great. They don't have to be there, and yet there they are. They are showing an interest in children, which we need as much as possible. So, big ups to the VM's out there.

Now, for my observations of this article. This woman was a master writer. She depicted a scenario of wandering students, police officers investigating a blood spilt incident, and insufficient communication between offices. Not only did she do that, but she made the whole thing sound like an episode of "Kids Say the Darndest Things".

VM: Now hurry to class. You've already missed the first 15 minutes of class.

Student: I haven't missed a damn thing.

Reader chuckles here.

VM: Now there's a kid that understands subjectivity.

More laughter.

At the end of this 3/4 of a page article (the other 1/4 had a simple, yet cute, drawing of students with dower looks and adorned with piercings, skull t-shirts and headphones) was some concluding advice for parents.

"If the school calls, don't panic. They are probably just confirming the note you sent... that has since been lost."

ChUckLE, CHucKle, ChUCklE

Speaking of subjectivity. I'm sure everything is a wacky, exciting adventure if you could leave after spending only an hour in the hallowed halls. The chance that the police are investigating your blood being spilt decreases dramatically with the time spent away from campus. I equate it to the World Wrestling Entertainment holding a "Summer Slam" in Afghanistan. Sure it's a three day experience for the wrestlers that they will never forget, but for the soldiers it's something a bit more intense that they could never forget.

Now, isn't that precious?

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