We’ve got pray just to make it today.

With this being the eve of standardized state testing, more than one teacher has forwarded me those wickedly clever e-mails on how absurd it is that there is no organized prayer in school. I hate those things. Now I’m no anti-prayer guy, more of an anti-forward guy. As a matter of fact, I would estimate that at least five of my students have not had their necks broken by me because I prayed for the Lord to give me the strength. With that said, I know there are teachers out there who don’t like to get these forwards due to the fact that they are prayer in school themed. I feel you, so I did some tinkering:

THIS IS PRICELESS!!
After being interviewed by the school administration, the teaching prospect said, 'Let me see if I've got this right: 'You want me to go into that room with all those kids, correct their disruptive behavior, observe them for signs of abuse, monitor their dress habits, censor their T-shirt messages, and instill in them a love for learning. You want me to check their backpacks for weapons, wage war on drugs and sexually transmitted diseases, and raise their sense of self-esteem and personal pride. 'You want me to teach them patriotism and good citizenship, sportsmanship and fair play, and how to register to vote, balance a checkbook, and apply for a job. You want me to check their heads for lice, recognize signs of antisocial behavior, and make sure that they all pass the state exams. 'You want me to provide them with an equal education regardless of their handicaps, and communicate regularly with their parents by letter, telephone, newsletter, and report card. 'You want me to do all this with a piece of chalk, a blackboard, a bulletin board, a few books, a big smile, and a starting salary that qualifies me for food stamps. You want me to do all this and then you tell me… 'I CAN'T DRINK HEAVILY TO NUMB THE PAIN?'

Hey, don’t think you have to go the drunkard route just because I CAN’T PRAY? was excluded either. No, you can have all kinds of fun with it like, I CAN’T UNCONTROLLABLY CRY? Or, I CAN’T BANG MY HEAD AGAINST A WALL?

What can you guys come up with?