Parents just don’t understand.

So I was supposed to have a parent/teacher conference because the kid is in trouble of failing, but there’s still time for him to turn things around. I was hoping that I could get his mom and dad to join me in trying to push this boulder over the 11th Grade hill, but they were a no show. Now I’m the type who extends their hand once, then it is up to the other party to accept it or not, but I need to get this kid out of here. It nothing against him personally; it’s just that this school already has a backlog of jack-a-ninnies that we can’t afford more. Plus, we have to clear the lot for next year models!

So I call and reach the parent. The call went like this:

“Hello?”

“Hello, this is Kenneth’s teacher. I’m calling about the meeting we were supposed to have yesterday.”

“Oh, that was cancelled.”

“Pardon? I had no idea you cancelled. Did you leave a message?”

“No, you called me?”

“Um, I don’t think so. This is Mr. Dobson, right?”

“Yeah that’s right. I’m the one you called yesterday.”

“Are you sure that we spoke yesterday?”

“Of course. The lady said you had a dentist appointment.”

“A lady? So we didn’t speak?”

“No, but she said she was passing along the message.”

“What was her name?”

“I dunno. Didn’t ask.”

“Did this lady sound young, like your son’s age?”

“You know what, yeah. Now that I think about it I was all kinds of confused because my son’s cell phone popped up on the caller ID. I guess wires got crossed or something.”

“Does your son have a girlfriend?”

“Any son of mine should have many girlfriends, if you get my drift.”

The whole thing gave me the largest absurdity migraine known to the human race. We might as well have volleyed Kenneth’s teacher is not here, man/It’s me. I’m Kenneth’s teacher!’s back and forth. Maybe Kenneth’s dad will catch on when his son’s 11th grade English teacher calls next year. Or the year after that.