Seven days without school makes one weak.

The difference between regular Fridays and the Friday before Spring Break is that instead of my jack-a-ninnies not paying attention and going on and on about how they’re going to get wasted the coming weekend, they’re talking about how much they’re going to get wasted in Mexico—or Florida or wherever.

Yup, nothing screams the reason why we have Spring Break as a bunch of under age drinking and random sex sponsored by parents. I thought service Spring Breaks were all the rage? You know, where teens go build homes and plant trees. My kids aren’t saying, “This week I’m going to plant so many saplings it’s goin’ to be stupid, yo!” I’d kill to overhear, “I’m going to feed the homeless until I pass out!”

You always hear about these horror stories where Spring Breakers getting caught up with hoodlums and getting duped into being drug mules too. Is it bad of me to admit that I wouldn’t be completely heartbroken if one of my jack-a-ninnies ended up caught with a balloon of heroine found up his ass? I could use the (Spring) Break.