Monday, May 07, 2007

A-Prom Fallout

Another Monday after prom, another half empty school. There might even be fewer students than usual. I heard that some arrests were made during the festivities. Apparently, the star running back and his close circle of jack-a-ninnies with their dates decided that prom was for losers and skipped the function. So, off they went into the nearby woods to get loaded. Evidently, they got bored and drunk (they were already stupid) and decided that they should ambush the prom goers as they left the dance. Being the little MacGyvers that they are, they used what they had on them--beer and condoms-- to make water balloons. Wait, beer balloons? No, beer condoms—to hurl at the kids.

I have two things to say about the condoms. One, at least the stupid people don’t have an interest in multiplying. Two, why would you use a product that makes money off the fact that they’re difficult to break as your device to explode on impact. With that last thought in mind, kids were falling left and right from being hit. A number of ambulances were called, as were patrol officers. Their job was the easiest. They just followed the trail to the drunk guys laughing in the parking lot and their dates vomiting.

Why do I have an American Express parody bouncing around in my head?

Fake I.D.: $250
4 Cases of Beer: $205
Condoms: $19.75
A bunch of spoiled brats hauled down to jail: Priceless

At least the star running back will have a story to tell his teammates in the fall as he goes off to that Division I school on a full football scholarship.

No hard feelings, though. Now where did I put my student loans?

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