Bite Me

Well, it’s been a “filling out a police report” kind of day. One of my kids bit a fellow student. The biter wasn’t any kid. It was a new student, who enrolled three days ago. So much for trying to fit in.

I didn’t see it happen, but when I heard the kid yell, “Mother F*&cker!” I knew something bad had happened. The room went quiet because they were shocked just as much as I was. After that half second, which seemed like half a billion seconds, I sent a kid to go with the victim (Geez, I can’t believe I’m in a job where I have to write that) to the clinic.

With that done, I had the little problem of everyone else feeling uncomfortable with Chompers in the room, so I sent another kid to go get an administrator while I took the assailant (There was another word attacker?) out in the hallway. He lead, of course. I’m not turning my back on him for one second, especially when I spilled some jam on my shirt this morning. I probably would’ve morphed into an English muffin right before his eyes, like in the cartoons. While we were out there he didn’t say a word and neither did I, for fear of letting some kind of a kill command slip out.

During my planning period I had to fill out a report with security, and even though they’ve seen his school records and that he’s been here for a brief time, they asked if he had shown any previous behavior that would have served a sign.

What? Any signs? What are the signs for potential student biters? Pac-Man noises?

"Whacka, Whacka, Whacka, Whacka, Whacka…"

Audrey II impressions?

"Feed me! Feed me!"

He only took three licks to get to the center of his Tootsie Roll Pop?

"One! Two! Three! CRUNCH!!! Three."

If they’re referring to something like that, then no; I didn’t see any signs.