Panic at the Parking Lot

Check out the email we got earlier today. This is not a joke. You just can't make this kind of stuff up.

"Don't Panic:

While you are in class, students are going through your cars. Mrs. Koosman had a phone stolen out of her car during school hours today. The cameras are pretty much useless as to identifying a suspect. It looks like an African-American male with a dark shirt is the culprit. If anyone knows the identity of this individual, then please contact my office."

Great, there's nothing to make one feel safer than cameras that can't see anything. On the bright side, the grainy video could be the beginning of a tall tale, like when those photos of Big Foot and the Loch Ness Monster popped up. They might as well have written:

"It looks like a giant face carving on the surface of Mars, created by an ancient alien civilization is the culprit."

What difference would it had made if they had said that because who in the world is going to identify anyone with such a detailed description like an African-American in a dark shirt?

Oh, I know. It was Tommy, the boy who lived two doors down when I was growing up... a Crip gang member... the Harlem Globetrotters!

The worst thing is that I practically live in my car, so I have every reason to panic. Of course, I may have the best theft deterrent out there. Have you ever heard that "One person's trash is another's treasure," saying? Well I'm that "another" person.