Walk This Way

A teacher sent out an email asking any faculty members if they were interested in joining her in her walking club mornings before school at the school’s track. She shared that she had asked her fellow math teachers first, but none had joined her up yet. That was why she was extending her invitation to the rest of us. She also shared that she walks at 4:15 in the morning.

Good Lord, all mighty! I didn’t realize a walking club had a night shift! It’s either that or she’s started a sleepwalking club.

Gee, I wonder why no one showed up. They must have had a conflict in schedule. You know, like hiding a dead body or robbing a Lufthansa truck or whatever nefarious actions take place at such an hour. Or hey, here’s a guess; they might be sleeping.

I don’t know about you, but I’m not sure I can trust a teacher who walks that early in the morning. How could she have the energy? I stay at school from six in the morning to five in the afternoon everyday and go home for marathon grading. I’m lucky to get five hours of sleep. How does she have the proper combination of time and energy?

Maybe I’m just assuming too much. Maybe she never sleeps. Admit it. A teacher who stays hopped up on goofballs so she can handle the insane workload of teaching and needs a power walk in the middle of the night to keep herself from crashing is much more plausible than a teacher who finds time to walk by choosing to cut into her precious sleep.

Either way, there will be no adjustment on my alarm clock. I’ve timed my morning routine just right so I can maximize my sleep time. Sure it involves shaving in my car and spitting mouthwash out the window on that last right turn to the school, but at least you won’t see me inviting you to my bizarre morning ritual.