Sex Machine

Another reminder came into us from one of the associate principals because of some recent issues with the staff Xerox machine. It often breaks down, which is no big surprise because this school is the size of a mall and we only have access to the one photocopy machine. In a situation like this, wear and tear will always win. Why doesn’t the administration get that?

This reminder came with some, um, odd tips. He wants us to remember that “machines need love too.” Hmm. Unfortunately, he didn’t stop there with his theme. He encouraged us to “whisper sweet nothings into its ear” and not to forget to “compliment it from time to time.” I actually read, “make it feel wanted.” He specifically said, “tell it that it looks pretty,” and offer to “cook dinner on occasion.” Who wrote the Xerox manual, Barry White?

Either this guy is at his rope’s end with sending out these messages or belongs to some very specific chat rooms.

At least it he didn’t offer a safe word.