Prank You Very Much

The teacher in the next hall entered his room yesterday morning to find all of his furniture upside down. Geez, I thought that gag only happened in cheesy sex comedies. What’s next? A rubber woman popping out of some peephole to cause chaos at a homecoming parade?

Yes, I’m positive that the furniture re-arrangement was at the hands of jack-a-ninnies and not the product of some work order for facilities to work on the carpets or something. I know this because one of the jack-a-ninnies told me himself. He is a senior this year, but I had him last year. Man, social promotion couldn’t happen fast enough, if you ask me.

And why is it that students and former students are prone to spilling their guts to their teachers? I guess they see us as a means of Confession to purge their jack-a-ninnery, only to move on to new shenanigans. All day I am regaled with stories of sucker punches to some “douche’s” junk, “skank” being scrawled on a rival girl’s locker and the new technique of text harassment. I don’t think it is because they revere us like they might a priest or a holy figure. It is probably more like talking to a pet goldfish or a favorite teddy bear as a means to release themselves of their conscience. It is a scapegoat scenario, if you will.

Anyway, this kid, the confessor, I’m amazed that he had such an act in him. When I had him his work ethic was worse than bump’s on a log. Shoot, it was worse than a bump’s on that bump. And now he’s pulling of capers? There were times where I would pick up his lifeless arm while he slept on his desk and drop it to watch it fall like a slab of beef. But he probably broke into this classroom like Tom Cruise in Mission Impossible. I guess the theories are right. Kids will perform in school as long you appeal to their interests.

I guess he’ll have to share that part of his confession for Hammer, seeing as how I had to turn the criminal mastermind in for his new-found passion.