Tuesday, September 01, 2009

Get a Clue

We were back in the computer lab yesterday. I can’t stand that place. The fact that we have two computer labs in a school the size of the Mall of America is quite irritating. You have to make sure that you book far enough in advance to guarantee the time you need it. I didn't even want to go into the computer lab yesterday. It was a bit early in the year for me, but it was one of the few days that was left. I guess I better go ahead and book for next year now. I feel like I'm trying to score World Cup tickets or something.

Plus, the labs only have twenty computers. The last class to have no more than twenty students in it consisted of kids between six and thirteen years old and was run by a prairie schoolmarm. Speaking of a long time ago, ENIAC called and said our computers were old. Nothing says efficiency like twenty ancient computers for thirty-six students. Maybe they can take turns hitting the “Execute” button.

It’s not like my kids need a reason not to do work either. They can fill a whole sack of nothin’ on their own just fine. Case in point, two jack-a-ninnies I had in there today thought it was funny to turn off each other’s computer again and again. One would get one booted up only to have the other run in to do a hard shutdown and vice versa. They thought this was hilarious while they were driving their lab partners crazy. Who am I kidding? Their lab partners never broke indifferent. They never do, but they should have.

I interrupted their slap fight at one of the power buttons to ask them what they thought they were doing. The response I got was the standard line of any jack-a-ninny caught dead to rights.

“We didn’t do it.”

This is soon followed by the Make Up a Story so Crazy that it has to be True strategy. Theirs came in the form of “some old dude” entered the thirty foot by twenty foot, locked from the inside computer lab came in and told these young men that the computes were not working and needed to be shut down.

It was such a Who Done It? If I ever heard one, so I couldn’t resist making a Clue reference.

“Oh, are you sure it wasn’t Colonel Mustard in the computer lab with a lead pipe?”

That’s when I learned that you can’t make board game references to kids born in the 90’s, especially if the reference includes a lead pipe. They’ll just turn it into something sexual.

“Dude that guy is going to get you with his pipe.”

“I’ll kick him in his pipe.”

Oh, I’m sorry. You maybe a little rusty when it comes to speaking Jack-A-Ninny. By “pipe” they mean “dick.” Evidently, it makes a jack-a-ninny giggle harder if they can incorporate a penis euphemism.

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