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Tuesday, April 14, 2009

We’re in this together, 70/50.

As I have said before, this is the rumor season about changes for next year’s policies. The new one that was floating amongst the teachers during yesterday’s staff development involved the 50 Rule. Before you get excited, they are not getting rid of it. No, instead it may be evolving—like Jeff Goldblum in The Fly. If this thing is true, then one could call it the 70/50 Rule.

A student will receive a 70 for their grade, if they make a true effort, but fail miserably. With the way things are now, a jack-a-ninny could answer two out of ten questions and leave the others blank and get a 50, as would the student who answered all ten, but only got two right. Now with this new policy a 70 (a passing grade) can be made if all ten questions are answered, even though only two were right—as long as a true effort can be established. I guess that the policy makers did not have the foresight to see that a jack-a-ninny won’t do a whole assignment, when they get the same grade for doing much less.

Now if you are one of those people who think that why can’t two out of ten be twenty percent, then you need to catch up here. That battle was lost four years ago. Logic fled this place a long time ago. What you need to be concerned about for me here is that a grey area has been created with this true effort phrase—a grey area for argumentative teenagers who are convinced that teachers are always trying to screw them over because we hate them, nonetheless.

Since I heard of this potential for disaster, I can’t shake this daydream of mine. What better place to challenge the nuance of flawed policy, but in some sort of school courtroom? I can just see myself getting subpoenaed for The Girl Who Spelled CAB, BAD, DAD Repeatedly Throughout The Whole Scantron vs. Hobo Teacher.

I can just see expert witnesses being called—like the kid who answers essay questions by cannibalizing them. In case you don’t know what that is it goes something like this:
Question: “What is the mood established as the narrator approaches the House of Usher? How does the setting aid in establishing this mood? Please sight the three examples from the text.”

Answer: “The mood established as the narrator approaches the House of Usher is moody. The first example is when the narrator approaches the House of Usher. Second, the House of Usher has a mood. Finally, the mood is moodier as the narrator approaches closer and closer to the House of Usher. In conclusion, there is a mood as the narrator approaches the house of Usher and there are three examples why.”
A compact in a plastic baggie would be entered in as evidence by the defense to reinforce that the student was merely trying to finish her test as soon as possible, so she could get back to painting her face.

There would be phases shouted from the prosecution like, “I object! He doesn’t know me!”

I better stop, before I give you a, “You can’t handle the truth!" Again, this is all rumor at the moment, but then again the original 50 Rule was a rumor at first too.

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