Tuesday, May 16, 2006

Big Education

Teachers operate in trends. We've all been there (the five paragraph essay, Channel One, etc.). With the issue of child obesity in this country one teaching trend has taken a serious hit. That is rewarding kids with candy. Think back, back to all of that candy that's passed hands. Just one more Tootsie Roll will get them to identify a symbol in The Catcher and the Rye. Don't you want a Snickers? Then solve for the hypotenuse. It will get you sa-tis-FIED. It's no big deal. You can quit anytime, right?

Why we were probably a mere Hershey Kiss away from the government intervening.

Come to think of it, I would tune in to CSPAN to see something like that. I can just see it. A bunch of teachers are ushered in, each with their own lawyer. The Spanish teacher has all of a sudden forgotten how to speak English. The 5th is being taken left and right. There are phrases thrown around like, "I never knowingly administered Sweet Tarts to anyone," or, "Then how do you explain these receipts from The Rocky Mountain Fudge Company?"

Students would testify, "They gave me something called 'The Nougat'."

Some small time teacher has decided to testify, in hopes of getting off lightly.

"The committee recognizes the senator from the great state of Georgia."

A microphone screeches as it is being adjusted.

"Thank you Senator. Now madam, are you saying that the counselors were aware of what was going on?"

"Sure, sometimes they would even drop off their own shipments in our mailboxes for distribution. You know, if they wanted to remind the students to come by to set up next year's courses or something like that."

"And they did this even though they knew the effects of sugar?"

"Yeah, the district doesn't care how the schedules get done, as long as they get done."

"And you willingly complied?"

"Whacha' gonna' do? It's the way of the schools."

Well, I've been rambling. I'm sorry about that. I just tend to get light headed if I don't get some sugar in me.

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