Thursday, April 08, 2010


On Monday the school is having an emergency meeting. There won’t be any PowerPoints on rubrics. Nor will there be any inspirational video montages. Instead, we will be ferreting out the guilty.

Let me explain. You guys have all come across heinous stories of teachers doing nefarious things. Teachers have seduced students. Fight clubs are started. There’s all kinds of stuff that can turn one’s stomach. Do you know how this can happen? A guess would be that this sinister lot made laborious efforts to hide their true selves in order to get hired so that they could wreck havoc. Another guess would be incompetence.

We have been asked to bring our driver’s license and a copy of our teaching certificate. The purpose is to see if our name matches the one listed in the state’s teachers association’s database. If it doesn’t, then we have thirty days to correct the indiscretion, which involves fingerprinting (on our own dime) or be let go.

The reason for all of this is that our school district’s human resources department has been giving the green light to new hires before background checks are completed. So when it turns out that the teacher has a checkered past, the teacher is put on administrative leave, meaning full pay until the end of the contract (school year). To fix the financially irresponsible problem, the district is going back and checking everyone’s records.

I thought the expression was, “measure twice, cut once,” and not, “don’t measure, blow it all up.” It’s stuff like this that leads to people not taking my profession seriously. You can’t half-finish a background check. I’m surrounded by bozos!

With that said, Monday should be exciting. Think about it. Identities will be revealed! Mysteries will be solved! It’s like an Agatha Christie novel. I half-expect a Belgian detective to walk in and reveal that we were all guilty in some sort of capacity, like in Murder on the Orient Express. I certainly know of some personnel at central office who I’d like to get my hands on.

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