Pep Dispenser

There’s a basketball pep rally this Friday. Like all pep rallies, we adjust to our “Pep Rally” bell schedule. That means taking a whole hour out of our day to get fired-up. If I thought forty-five minutes wasn’t enough to lead a sufficient lesson, then what the hell am I going to do with thirty-six minutes? Fortunately, if I’m going to stay positive, this also limits the amount of trouble a student of mine can get into by jacking around in my class. Don’t get me wrong; a jack-a-ninny will get himself into something even in a shortened class period. He always does. It’s just that he has nine less minutes to make the most of things. In my book, nine minutes can be the difference between a misdemeanor and a felony.

Speaking of schedules, they gave us a very detailed agenda for this pep rally. It’s got like thirteen bullets listing activities and each one has its duration next to it. Let me tell you, these durations are very specific. Only the meticulousness of an educator could create such a document. One activity, a Stomp routine by the sudoku club, is listed at a minute and forty-five seconds. Oh boy….

If you think that’s ridiculous, then you need to know that there will be a Tug-of-War as well. The student council will be pitted against the coaching staff. Thankfully, the English department isn’t involved. I can’t speak for anyone else, but I’m not sure how much restraint I could display when given the opportunity to yank students down to the ground like rag dolls. Have you ever heard of those stories where a frantic mother generates enough strength to lift a car off her child? It would be like that for me, but in a less noble, Hulk Smash! kind of way.

Now that I think about it, there should probably be a bullet that says, “Sign waivers created by the school district’s lawyers (30 sec).”