A House of Report Cards

Hammer sent us the following warning:

This is our first report card run with the district's new system. It is possible there may be errors. Parents have been encouraged to look over the report card and have a conversation with their child about his or her grades. If they believe there is a mistake, then they are to e-mail that student's teacher.

Yeah, thanks for the heads up—a few things though. One, why did the district purchase a new system, if we ended up in the red last year? I would have gladly hand-written grades this year, so our librarians didn’t get screwed over. There would have been more F’s handed out than an autograph booth at an F. Murray Abraham convention! I kid.

Two, parents should always discuss their kid’s grades with their children—no matter what. It has nothing to do with us running E-portCard 2.0 or whatever this thing is.

Three, let me thank you ahead of time for crashing my e-mail. Every single parent is going to e-mail to ask that I investigate their kid’s grade. Now that’s not a bad thing, except when it will include the parents who I called last week to tell them that their kid failed (like I always do). And most of them I called during progress report time to tell them that their student was in danger of failing.

“But the man said it was wrong!”

The man was a woman, the associate principal, and she didn’t say that. Even if there was an error, it has nothing to do with the fact that Junior didn’t turn in six assignments.