I’m retired of this.

Great, I’m reading this e-mail right now about some math teacher who I’ve never heard of inviting us to come by the room of another math teacher who I’ve met so that we can celebrate her retirement. Note to e-mailer: put a room number on the invitation. Again, like half of the school, I don’t know this person. That’s just the life of a teacher. We’re in our jail cell themed rooms (cinder block walls and a thin window on the door—for the lucky ones) all the time, so we don’t venture out into other wings of the school. Or, should I say, “We don’t venture out into other cell blocks of the school.”

With that being said, in prison you don’t have a party for guys who are getting out of the joint. At least you don’t have one set up like this one. Let’s see there’s a memory book to sign, a podium decorating contest, and something called “spin the ruler.” Okay, that last one sounds a bit prisonish.

Wait a second, I just scrolled all the way down to the bottom of the e-mail. There’s cake! I’m off to find cell block math!

Second note to e-mailer: To get teachers to come, mention free cake as soon as possible. In the subject line is ideal.