Friday, April 30, 2010

Jerk Zombies

I’m working on a theory, and I think I’ve about got it formulized.

Teens are jerk zombies. That’s right, jerk zombies. I use “jerk” because it is scientific fact that a majority of teens have their jerk knobs turned all the way to the right on their behavior-o-lator. For the less-teen-anatomy-inclined, the behavior-o-lator is located just below the hormonal oscillator and next to B.O. vent.

As for the zombie part, what is the nature of zombies? Think about it. They’re destructive. They’re killers, and they are motivated by one thing, eating brains. Now, this isn’t done maliciously. Nothing is premeditated. They are just brain eating machines.

Just like zombies teens, too, are on automatic pilot. Instead of having braining-eating on the, well brains, they’ve got a jerk agenda stuff going on up there. They’re saying jerky stuff or doing jerky stuff or laughing at jerky stuff. Again, I don’t think it is intentional. It’s just automatic.

Fortunately, in some of these situations, the assface gasket blows after riding the behavior-o-lator for so long and the kid can recover. He realizes that he’s been a screw-up and he needs to get his act together. Other times we’re not so lucky, and they go on well into their adulthood. Now the adult stage of jerk zombie-dom I’m not too sure about. That really isn’t my area of expertise, so I won’t speculate. Though there are a few around here.

Anyway, that’s what I have so far. I’ll keep you posted.

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