Tuesday, November 22, 2005

There'll be pie in the sky...

It's tradition here at Springwood Lakes for the parent volunteers to give pies to the teachers for Thanksgiving. Now, don't get me wrong. I'm hungry and this is a wonderful gesture for us starving teacher types.

However, the method of pie disbursement is what I would like to comment on. Pretty much the teachers get an email that says, "The pies are in the teachers' lounge, so come and get them." You can picture it, can't you? I don't even have to go on, but I will.

They might as well have stood out in the hall and fired a starter's pistol, because the teachers go nuts. The doors fling open and papers scatter through the hallways, trailing a herd of stampeding teachers. We are, after all, talking about free freakin' pies. Heck, the email could've read, "Come get your free punch in the gut!" and teachers would still come running because it was free!

Anyway, it's absolute chaos. I ran by the elevator on my way to the lounge and I saw 25 teachers trying to cram into it, as if they were a fraternity out of the 1950's and it were a telephone booth. That had disaster written all over it. I opted for the stairs. When I got to the lounge teachers were sliding around and falling down on pie fillings from the casualties that had already hit the floor. Some teachers were clutching three pies at a time even though, the fine print of the email clearly stated, you could only have one. But those were just safety pies to be put down if they found something better. I asked one guy what he was doing there and he told me he was there for his pie. I then yelled over the din, "But you're the detention teacher! Who's watching In-School Suspension?" That's when he stamped on my foot, poked me in the eye, and ripped my pie from my hands. He then ran off, trailing meringue, back to the detention room.

Well, at least I hope that's where he was going.

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