TB, Consumption, Wasting Disease, White Plague, Phthisis, Scrofula, King's Evil, Miliary TB, Tabes Mesenterica, Lupus Vulgaris and Prosector's Wart

Aye yi yi. This research stuff has been killer. Let me ask you a question. Why is it that my kids are so selective when it comes to the books that we read, but when they’re gathering research then all pickiness goes out the window? We read “To Build a Fire,” it’s “gay.” We read “The Open Boat,” and “it blows.” And these assessments are made by the end of the first paragraph.

But when it comes to research, everything’s a nugget of enlightening brilliance. Kids, if you’re adding a simple biography on Edgar Allan Poe to establish a background for the reader, then I wouldn’t print out a ten page analysis on the vampire motif found in “The Fall of the House of Usher” without reading it. Yes, many of the loved ones in his life died of tuberculosis, but is a list of twelve other names for the disease necessary?

I modeled this paper to death. What’s wrong with these kids?!

Aw heck, even if they did pull some good sources, it wouldn’t matter anyway. They wouldn’t even start looking at it until the night the paper was due. Of course, if you think about it, it shouldn’t take more than a night to plagiarize.